The Woodshop Shed

adventures in woodworking and home maintenance, from my shop in an oversized backyard shed

September 2020
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The Schumann Resonance Anomaly Mallet Result

Furnished content.
(from Lumberjocks.com)


The Schumann Resonance Anomaly Mallet ResultDISCLAIMER: I, like you, have some opinions that lean one way or the other from straight riding the rail. I know that's not okay these days, but I also speak my mind so it doesn't consume my spirit. If you don't like things that don't jive with your world views, congratulations. We all feel that way. If, however, those poopy old opposing perspectives offend you to a power level over five thousand, or if a paradigm shift is too much for your fragile temperament, my name is Mike and I'll be your cognitive dissonance instructor for the semester. Please turn your cellular devices on silent and save your questions until the end. But seriously, if you can't take a joke you're in the wrong place… You've been warned.AAAAAHHHHHH! It's “current year” bros, and also the end of the world!!!!! Noooooooo! Heckerinos!! The HUMANITY?! Or something like that.No, just the end of this wood. And by that I mean the remaining bits of curled maple I had been saving. Which to me might as well be the end of the world. That wood is my JAM, Holmes. Word to your mother.Okay, to say I embellished there a scoach would be wildly under selling it. My apologies. That being said, I don't recall witnessing the fundamental understanding of physics as we know it being uprooted and bent over in the blink of an eye quite like this.Since 1952, Schumann's theory and findings on resonance (continual vibrations of Hz frequencies in our planet's ionosphere generated by anything electromagnetic we experience on earth, from solar flares and lightning all the way down to human brain activity) might not “ring a bell” to you. Yet that is… Yes, pun intended. I don't care if it was corny…, quit trying to unwind or to enjoy your free time this instant, and get force fed some heavy reading guys. New normal time. I know because every radio commercial that was made since March keeps telling me so. Over, and over, and over…You know you love the song your antique rip saw sings when you send it gracefully through that high Janka rated board you've been waiting to transform into literal perfection. Admit it. It's not my personal bias or anything. Using only hand tools to build since day one has nothing to do with this, I assure you. That song though? That is the stuff geniuses such as Tesla and Einstein simply LIVED for! The hum of excellence, if you will.This week for the first time in recent history post 1950's (that we're aware of anyway, thanks to the infallibility of the public school system) we've had the metric for measuring the “heartbeat of mother earth”. A few of us conspiratorial nerds around the globe woke to behold something that scattered the pillar our universe stands upon to the winds.That's right. Tin foil hats for every man woman and child. On what was supposed to be a relaxing holiday weekend. Love me yet?Long story short, the only other community I'd care to be a part of on the internet lost its collective sheeeit!! Most believed (and some still do) that this anomaly set in motion, if not outright was, the end for humanity. After all, it basically meant our magnetic shield went bye bye. Along with all the cool things it does for us. Such as the tiny task of protecting us from the absolute nightmare that you probably refer to as “space”. Doesn't sound big to you? Good. It wasn't. Well, kinda.Tell that to every compass on the planet as it helplessly read wrong. Or the US stock market while the Dow reportedly plummeted 800+ points in the time it took me to eat two McDoubles. Or Mexico who immediately noticed the loss of 100% of it's radar capabilities. Or the people in Jamaica who had never seen hail before. Looking back I feel outdone. Being beaten by Jamaica at anything sucks, and I was shocked. They were TERRIFIED! Imagine what that must have sounded like to those poor people down there. I mean, yikes! These are but a mere few of dozens if not hundreds of peculiar occurrences to follow suit. For the rest of the good stuff, search Twitter. It's still aflame with Schumann posts. And will be until we can figure out wtf that was. I lived my adult life believing that was not only impossible, but that the Hokey Pokey was what “it” was all about. Not some crazy Cosmic shenanigans. I now know better. The Macarena was way better anyway. In my humble opinion that is.For nearly 48 hours the lack of data upon which lame assed guys like me fall face first to after a long day of BS was more than ominous. The dark half of the planet saw many, many people with no real common denominator bolt out of bed washed in fear, anxious or aggressively sickened, around 4 am. Who gets up at 4 am? If that doesn't display how odd it was, go watch Black Mirror or something… That's too early for anyone with a pulse.Being a lover of data I was compelled to relentlessly prod everyone I knew about their unknowing collective experiences while lacking what's known as the healing frequency. Of course, everyone I know has a life and therefore had no idea what that crap was. All they knew was they were in no mood for my excitement or barrage of questions that morning. I got btfo'd in many creative and unique ways, but I got my test sample to take back to the boys.What I found was enough to make me go hide in the shop for a second and unpucker my coinpurse. The world wasn't gonna ass out on ol' Mikey without one last nearly mediocre build. Not on my watch. Or bench. Or whatever.After work I had no choice but to provide my solar wind bitch-slapping pal an offering; wood that looks like coco mix when you do stuff to it that makes it tiny wood. You probably call it curled maple though, because you're not an idiot. Don't be jealous. It's hard work surviving with an iq that couldn't match Shaquille O'Neal's shoe size on its best day. I just make it look easy. Trust me.I decided to test my luck with a turn of the century knockdown carpenter style mallet. The other turn of the century kids. Those of you under 40 are likely thinking of the now obscure pager 90's cool guys used to proudly display on their blue jean's front pocket. Cool look, I agree.You bet your smart face I went with the easiest one I could force my scattered and reluctant mind to draw up. No time for a real woodworker's mortice. Ergonomic grip? Huh uh. No sir, what with the Death Star theme subconsciously filling the void I was feeling and all. I laugh in the face of death, then he does too when he sees my finished product. Giving me a chance to go on writing long drawn out sentences in order to see my “work” was a win for him too. Grim got a sensible chuckle out of the deal, and I hope you will too.I quickly miter cut a contrasting centerpiece to wedge a handle, beveled the sides as close to accurate as I could, and sanded down a taper on the non-business end of that bad boy like there was no tomorrow. Admittedly I believed it to be a possibility at the time. Incoming nothingburger. 2020 Deja Vu anyone? Everyone? I thought so…Before you judge me, I beg you to broaden your perspectives for a second. I, as well as you, exist now in a society where anyone could kill you with their self centered and pesky need to breathe. Half of us or sadly more are still terrified of a world ending economy murdering and most of all deadly virus that's so menacingly spooky and obvious that one has to take a test to know if one may actually have it. Assuming one wasn't given a faulty test, like over a third are now openly admitted to have been. A scary virus which by absolutely NO coincidences has the symptoms of anyone that ever lived, on any given day, at any time. One that would absolutely not be used for political or financial gain. C'mon, this doesn't sound like snake oil. You quit that! Worst of all, it was coming for anyone you knew who had two or more life threatening illnesses. Provided, of course, they were over the age of 86. I myself lost my co-worker's buddy's girlfriend's Gramparino. Long, long distance gramps, I was told with no proof, was merely resting peacefully in a medically induced coma, recovering (again, kinda) I guess from a triple bypass heart surgery. Only 98 years young from what my buddy's buddy's former roommate's attorney told that list of people I don't know. Yes sir, far too soon. He had almost but not really avoided the onset complications of becoming septic from an infection from the surgery. As well as a lifetime of drinking/smoking/being morbidly obese. Nobody saw it coming when that nasty virus took him away. The virus that up until now of course had never been able to infect humans and had neither a reason nor a precedent to, but now decided it needed to. That's how evolution of viruses work and all. That's what the privately owned, non government regulated WHO (which just so happens to own the patents for numerous infectious diseases) president (currently accused of covering up multiple malaria outbreaks in his own country and allegedly holds no medical license or training but a mysterious yet convenient work history as a career politician in its place) told me. Forget all of that though please, and pay no attention to the man behind the curtain… Sorry. I hate the way the coof is getting the credit here, if you couldn't tell by my ham fisted sarcasm. It's not as if I lost much. My savings. A ton personal freedoms. I gained the right to look like a Mortal Kombat character in public though. I always did love Scorpion…There you have it. The opposing world view I was talking about. Scorpion, from Mortal Kombat… I know some of you were Sub Zero fans, and I'm prepared to get drug across the comment section for saying it. The guy said “get over here”. Really, really cool I might add. Sue me. I tried to warn you.Long story short? Crap. I did put that in there. Okay. Look guys, I made a wooden mallet instead of panicking and losing my mind, like the majority of my peers watching space for our imminent demise were sadly but predictably unable to avoid. Boom… Ended that one on a high note. None of this will be on the test by the way. Final score?PlumberMike: 01
As if it wasn't already far fetched enough without the other poorly doctored official narrative: 00And the crowd goes wild!!



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posted at: 12:00am on 06-Sep-2020
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Sapele C-Table

Furnished content.
(from Lumberjocks.com)


Sapele C-TableI made this C-Table to go with my wife's favorite chair. I paired 3/4 Sapele boards with a tropical walnut accent piece. I mitered the edge and reinforced with splines of the tropical hardwood (my first time using angled splines). The second upright piece made it plenty strong and allowed a little storage spot, which you don't usually get with a C-Table. I cut out some space on the foot so that the table could go around a chair leg if necessary. Very fun project.



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Segmented walking bait

Furnished content.
(from Lumberjocks.com)


Segmented walking baitYet another bait made while I'm in a pandemic mood. This is a segmented walking bait. The paint pattern is a chub, which is a common north American bait fish found all over. It started out as a small piece of 40 yr old pine I had around and ended up a fish. As usual I made everything except the hooks The video below shows the build from block of wood to getting it wet. The video also shows how I make eyes.
This pandemic will last through the winter. The experts pretty much say so. At this rate I'll be in more baits than I can fling by the time it ends. Like I always say, “Everybody has to have a hobby.”



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posted at: 12:00am on 06-Sep-2020
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